Things I Lost in the Fire
by Ashthief
Summary: I am cold, I am heartless, I am Synndra. I was a loner, a cat destined to die alone and be missed by none, and I thought that's how it'd be. However, fate decided to allow me to be forced into a group of cats, I found the last fragments of myself... as well as friends, even family, but ultimately? Betrayal. I am Synndra, and this is my story.
1. On the Run

**Chapter 1: On the Run**

How would you feel if you saw the only people that cared about you die right before your eyes? How would you feel if you later realized if you acted quicker they would have maybe even lived? How would you feel if after all of these events you were then homeless, starving, cold, alone? That's how I am, how I feel now. I was a house cat, but on one unfortunate night I was locked in a cage, and I was rendered powerless. The memory returned too fast, all too fast and all too painful.

The only light went off, and suddenly I was left in complete darkness. I knew something was up, but was there anything I could do in the box? Of course not, but that would not convince the haunting guilt to leave me alone. I had a clear view of the main room suddenly bursting to flame, but my loud meowing wasn't enough to rouse my family. It spread, grew closer, slightly burned me. I made enough racket for my people to see what was wrong, and there was suddenly a lot of clamor. Some weird noises and shouts, I still fought to get out of my prison but as the fire encircled my family, they quickly forgot I existed. I heard some sirens in the distance, but as I heard some faint sizzling there were screams. They would be too late. They would always be too late. I shut my eyes as I relived that terrible memory. The girl, screaming and burying her head in the father's arms. He was trying to calm them down, but fire leapt at their figures. Suddenly my cage was picked up and I tried to get out and be with them, even if they die, I'm their companion. Their friend, another family member.

I strained to see what had become of them, but the strangers shoved me in the monster and took off. Later, after I escaped the loud house with many cages and other cats that had sadder stories than the other, I raced back to my home. It took many days, but after some wandering I found the ashes of my beloved home. Home. I found a half-burned pelt covers that they used to put on their paws. Sticks and wreckage scattered about, forgotten as quickly as I was. I found ashes, a great pile of them. Where they had stood together as they burned.

 _Why was I the only one to live? Why me? Why me?_ The guilt of the survivor weighed heavy on my shoulders. I left soon, unable to bear being so close to my family yet so far. With one last glance over my shoulder, I ran. I ran, I ran, I ran. I ran until I collapsed, and that was quick enough since I wasn't used to moving around a whole lot. Hunger gnawed at my stomach, but I ignored it as I closed my eyes and slept a sleep filled with nightmares of me almost saving them, but then the fire burned them alive. Their screams echoed in my mind, the screams haunted my dreams and nightmares alike.

 _Why me. Why me. Why me._

When I awoke the sun beamed on my face. It was warm, but I only felt cold on the inside. Cold and dull, like a polished river stone. Thoughtless. I heaved myself to my paws, and I suddenly wondered where am I going to find food? I've never hunted when I needed to, only when I felt like having a challenge. That in itself was rare, and I never caught my intended 'prey'. I typically slept, ate the hard pellets, sat with my master and his family, and groomed myself. Sometimes I'd wander outside and say hi to my friends, Jewel, the lithe silver tabby she-cat next door. And Leaf, her sister, who lived with Jewel. I knew a few other cats, we're practically family.

The thoughts of my old life saddened me, and I really do mean old life. I'm never going back, they were the only family I had and will ever have. I'll teach myself to hunt, I'll mark my own territory, I'll thrive by myself. The thought sounded lonely, I'll miss everybody… no. I will thrive by myself. I will. I will. I will. My old name, old self, old personality, is gone. I will choose my own name, choose who I will be, choose how I will act when I encounter other cats, if I ever do. I will hunt the hawk, be faster than the fastest fox, be stronger than the largest badger. I am independent, I will not be weak, and I will be strong. I am not Sophie, I will choose my own name. Not a soft, kitty name. A strong name. My own.


	2. Always Has, Always Will

Chapter 2: Always Has, Always Will

At least a full year later, I wasn't the same cat. Not at all. I'm not Sophie, I'm Synndra. A name I created. A name that is mine. Mine and only mine.

I was fully capable of hunting for myself, and fighting by myself. I was a loner, and I am a loner. That day should have been normal, should have been like the other countless days I lived alone, but it was not. When I decided to wake up, I immediately did what I always do. I get up, check around to see if there are any intruders, and then hunt. Little did I know that day would change everything. I had quickly killed a shrew, and I brought it back to my 'camp,' I suppose. But I found something out of the ordinary, I scented something. I heard a crack, I felt claws pierce my shoulder.

Instantly I used my hind legs to thrust the cat off me, the pelt a muddy brown color. As his eyes flashed, I noticed how odd they were. One was dull yellow, while the other was a pale blue. He also had a white streak on his forehead I realized in the two seconds I had to brace myself for the attack. As he leapt at me I kept close to the ground and neatly darted to the left, but with an amazing amount of speed he managed to pin me down. His glaring yellow and blue eyes locked with my blazing blue ones.

"What are you doing in my home?" I spat in his face as I tried to find a foothold to get away, but my instincts somewhat deserted me. I scrabbled helplessly, my paws churning his stomach to no avail.

"We're taking it over." He snarled back as his claws dug into my skin further.

"And this we, is this something you made up to intimidate? Because I see no one here besides a scrawny little kit who looks lost." _Bide your time, get him so mad his rage forces him to make a move and then there's your chance to escape._ I had figured that out on my own, I had to figure out a lot of things on my own. As in everything.

"We are strong, and we will rule this area!" He attempted to swipe my face with his merciless claws, but as I ducked my head the rest of my body moved too. He was knocked off his paws, and struggled to regain his footing. I didn't bother to give him any injuries to deal with, an idiot would stay behind to maybe even kill him, but a wise cat would move along and forget the whole incident. So I raced away and darted up a tree, where I surveyed his next move. He stood up, shook out his fur, and growled.

"You're getting too soft." Another cat, a stocky dark gray, stalked up to my attacker, his fur bristling as his lips drew back in a snarl. _If I'm so important you have to get mad at him for losing me, why didn't you help him yourself you idiot?_

"She caught me off guard, how is that soft?" He countered, though it looked like he regretted it as his hackles fell when he pressed himself to the ground in fear. "I-I didn't-"

"You didn't what, exactly?" The stocky dark gray tom snarled as he pinned the other cat to the ground, his claws slashing him without hesitation.

He gave no answer, he just trembled and didn't make a sound as he heard his own fur being ripped. _Can I never escape cruelty? Get over yourself, toms._

"Now, are you going to let the next she-cat get away?" the gray tom growled as he gave the other a final blow that nearly ripped his foreleg off. I shuddered as blood followed it, and it pooled on the ground as the stocky gray tom left the muddy brown one alone. He disappeared through the undergrowth, and I saw him pad into a cave off in the distance. Way off in the distance, nearly a large spot looking as big as a cat from where I was perched. Many figures shuffled around inside, and I felt my icy blue eyes widen. _There are more?_ From the looks of it, there were many more. Many, many more.

I heard a ragged cough, and I looked below the tree to see the muddy brown tom hauling himself in the general direction of where the cave lay. _That other cat nearly killed him, and he's crawling back now? I think most of these cats are mental._

I slid down the trunk after a while, and scented for the wounded tom. Faint. I still felt wary, but relaxed at the same time. The bad cats had gone, but they could come back. My attacker, he said… they'd take over this area. Something told me I should leave now or there could be trouble.

So I did. I left as soon as I could, and I tried to leave without a trace. I avoided going to the north where the cave lay, and back down south there was the place where I once lived. A memory in the back of my mind, a memory I tried so hard to keep away. My only weakness was my past, I still can't forget it completely. I may never be able to break completely free. But I'll try until my last breath.

So I decided to go somewhere around northeast, and I managed to slip past the large cave where those dangerous-looking cats resided. All went well, and by nearly sunset I was far away from my old home. But I forgot the cave was far away from my home, and I'm far away from my home.

I heard a rustle, and immediately I stiffened and snarled. Nothing responded, so I settled down closer to the ground. Even though there were no more suspicious noises, I still felt uneasy. I found out why in the morning.

A crackle. I thought it was prey, as blurry as my mind was. So I crept up to it, and sniffed the air warily. But what scent I found was more hostile than a little mouse or shrew could be. I instantly jerked my body to the left, trusting my instincts. Claws scraped the ground where I was a fraction of a heartbeat earlier. I tried to dart away, throwing as much energy as possible into the smallest amount of time. But claws pierced my tail and I came to a sudden stop.

"Told you that she-cat would be wise enough to leave." The dark gray tom from yesterday growled at his claws kept a firm hold on my tail. As I wrenched it free I accidentally tripped over another tom who was standing in front of me. I had been paying attention to the other, so I didn't notice him before it was too late. He had a white coat, one single gray streak running down his back. A vicious scar went from the front of his left shoulder to behind his left foreleg. I flinched as he growled and as the other pinned me down.

"I agreed with you, you're smarter than most of the others." The other pointed out, and to my surprise the gray tom didn't nearly kill him as he killed the other yesterday.

"That you did, my only friend that I can count on to back me up." He dipped his head in acknowledgement while studying my thin frame.

"This is touching and all, but can you save it for when you're not imprisoning a cat?" I hissed as my ears flattened defensively.

"Fiery." He muttered, and the white tom nodded as his yellow eyes gleamed. "Dark will be pleased we found another."

"Indeed." The streaked tom nodded in approval.

"Let's get her back to camp before she escapes, smart one she is." he jerked his head in the direction of which the not-so-faraway cave lay.

"And I can't be informed of what's going on here, now can I? After all, I'm only a _prisoner,_ aren't I?" I rolled my eyes after my sarcastic comment, my piercing blue eyes betraying my boredom and annoyance. Cats seem to get more fired up if you're plain bored, instead of rebellious. They get a rise out of it.

"We'll explain when Dark says we need to." The gray tom told me as if it was obvious, in a superior tone.

I pretended to think real hard, tipping my head to one side and glancing up at the brightening sky. Almost dawn. "Oh this is hard… hmm… lemme think what else I was going to say…. Oh yeah! So you are the little playthings of this Dark, are you not? This almighty whoever he is. You guys aren't as superior as him, now are you? Shame!" Both their ears flicked and almost on cue they growled.

"Prisoners aren't supposed to be talking, they're supposed to be quiet and shameful!" The dark gray tom snarled at me.

"What is there to be ashamed of? Oh yeah, I forgot. I forgot that it's shameful to have a surprise attack launched at you before the sun even rises. Silly me, I forgot I should be ashamed that I almost escaped an unprovoked attack."

"Shut up or we'll feed you to the ravens!" The white tom hissed as his ears flattened in annoyance, his eyes blazing with anger.

"Ravens don't live here though… I believe you are speaking of the crows, of which they do look similar to ravens, but there are some key main differences. Ravens are crows in the way that crows are a species family. Ravens are also very broad, there are fan-tailed raven, a forest raven, a brown-necked raven, there's also-"

"Shut up!" The white tom screeched in rage. I only looked at him innocently.

"I was just-"

"Give it up, Streak. She'll just fire back three times more worse." The gray tom warned in a tired, exhausted voice though their camp wasn't too far away.

"So we let Dark deal with her?" He growled hopefully, his eyes gleaming as a smirk danced on his face.

"I suppose so." He sighed gustily. We arrived at the camp, and I shut my mouth. I know when and when not to talk. "Dark, we found the she-cat Scowl lost." A large black tom with dark brown, almost black, paws strode up to the dark gray tom confidently, his head raised high, his pawsteps thudding on the hard stone floor.

"Good, another to add to our growing ranks. She'll-"

"Ah, no. I'm not joining anything that has to do with you mental cats, I saw what happened to the dark brown cat when he lost me and when the dark gray one found him." The dark gray tom's eyes flickered uneasily, and I concluded something suspicious was going on here. Very suspicious.

"You said they were from her." His pale green gaze narrowed as he snarled, "you lied!"

"A fool would have stayed behind to give him those kinds of wounds." I rolled my eyes in order to break the tension as Dark glared at the gray tom.

"No, a warrior would." He countered as he continued to glare at the stocky gray tom. "And a coward would give that great of a punishment to someone who merely lost a lucky she-cat who luckily got away, Rock." His fur bristled in outrage as his drew his lips back in the beginnings of a snarl.

"She was twice as fast as him, she's worth it." Rock growled back though his voice lost the fire. "She thought twice as fast, and he's one of the quickest fighters in this whole group!"

"I see." He answered calmly, though before he finished his statement he leapt at me without warning. I darted to the right and he ended up landing heavily. Adrenaline made me launch myself at him and with a defiant hiss I clawed his spine. Instantly I was drawn away from him by Streak and Rock, but my eyes continued to glower at the now-wounded tom. Many cats turned their shocked gazes at me, and I refused to look down. With a somewhat arrogant gaze I looked at them all, one by one. Most turned away, but a few of the toms in one group glared back. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I bared my fangs and dared them to attempt to lay a claw on me again, refusing to back down.

"You were right, Rock." Dark had now licked his fur to where it hid the injuries, but he inhaled sharply as he padded up to me. I flattened my ears and snarled as he gazed at me. "She is worthy."

"Worthy of being left alone I hope, because I'm not staying here." I informed him with a dip with the head not in respect, but in somewhat arrogance.

"You are staying here and you will become one of our greatest warriors." His gaze traveled through his now-assembled group. "What's your name?"

"I don't have to tell you." I gazed back at him with pure rebellion. Amusement twirled in his pale green eyes, and he dipped his head with a slight smirk.

"Then I will choose your name." _I don't think so, mouse bile._

"My name is Synndra." I announced as my ear twitched. I gave in. _Well I don't want to be named something stupid like Mud or something obvious such as Silver,_ I reasoned with myself in my head.

"Synndra will be trained among the strongest of our Claws." He announced. Many cats sat below him, where I was left to stand alone as he shuffled away from me. Immediately protests were made.

"She wasn't born here!"

"She's a she-cat, she can't be one of the stronger cats!"

"She couldn't beat my kit." I saw one of the toms scoff, his pale blue gaze hostile. I glared back and once he realized I was looking specifically at him he glanced away. I lifted my head and let my fur rise.

"She will train among the strongest!" Dark roared as more cats protested. The large cave went silent, and with reluctant looks most dipped their heads in their acknowledgement of what their leader wanted. "Streak, you will introduce her to who she will be training with." He padded away, not giving the white tom a chance to protest. He sighed and glared at me.

"Don't look at me like that, I would have chosen anybody else." I snapped back as he got to his paws. His whiskers twitched, in annoyance or amusement at my defensiveness, I don't know.

"Come on." He ordered flatly. But before he even started to walk away I walked past him with a cool look on my face. "Dark put _me_ in charge."

"Yeah, but did he say you got to walk in front?" I called over my shoulder as he attempted to catch up. His lithe figure made it easy, and muscles rippled smoothly as he leapt off of the ledge instead of taking the path down.

"Show off. You could have been a normal cat and walked down, but no, you had to nearly break your legs and fall off the cliff." It's not that I like annoying cats, it's just… I don't know how else to push others away. Loneliness is suffocating, but sometimes it hurts less if it's not a specific cat causing the pain.

"I didn't _fall_ off the ledge!" he snapped defensively as his fur bristled.

"Lie to yourself if you want, I don't care." With a growl he led me to a large cave. Almost as large as my old home. Pain pricked me, don't think about it. Don't. No, it was larger I decided. The ceiling stretched almost farther than I could see, and the room was amazing. It could easily fit seventy cats, and many spaces were left blank. Many. Just guessing, I saw about fifty cats gather, not including the queens and their kits, if they don't want to move.

"Hey Streak, who's your friend?" A friendly looking she-cat greeted the white tom at my right. I could almost feel him stiffen beside me, his eyes resuming to that cold look. _He likes her. As obvious as the difference between ravens and crows. Which is less obvious to some than others._

"She's not my friend." He snapped as he glared at me. I glared back. She rolled her eyes and bounded up to him as he skirted around the edge of the cave. It thundered with cats talking, cats eating, cats sleeping. She was pretty, I'll admit that. She was a skinny light brown tabby, her forepaws white while her pale blue eyes glowed. She looked almost too delicate to be one of the stronger warriors, or whatever they're called here. So far I've heard them referred to as warriors, so I guess they're warriors.

"Well what else do you want me to call her?" She rolled her eyes as his whiskers twitched in annoyance. "Lighten up."

"Can you just introduce to whoever so I can get this over with?" I impatiently and abruptly questioned. "I don't even know what I'm doing here."

"Yeah yeah in a second…." His voice trailed off and as he opened his mouth to say something the light brown tabby cut him off.

"I don't mind, just hurry it up because I have to go hunting and I don't like hunting by myself." After Streak nodded hastily, she bounded away on light paws.

"She's way out of your league." I laughed on the inside as his face gaped, his jaw hanging low in astonishment and shock. A smirk lit up my face at his embarrassment.

"I didn't-"

"Let's hurry up this introducing stuff I want to get out of this damp cave." He led me through a small opening in the back of the cave, one I would have never noticed if I hadn't been shown it.

"And for your information she is _not_ , I'm one of the stronger warriors you're going to train with. She's only one of the average warriors, I'm at the top, and she'd be lucky to have someone as high ranking as me." He snapped back before we entered the smaller cave, a small tunnel connecting it to the large one. Only about twenty cats were in the cave, and from quickly scanning it there was only one other she-cat. One. _Why do I care? I don't want friends!_ I tried to convince myself, but uncertainty gripped me.

"A bit skinny for being powerful." I commented as we halted by the entrance.

"What's another strange cat doing in this den?" An older tom with more scars than I could count on my two paws growled, his milky-gray eyes swimming with distrust.

"Don't ask me, Dark is the one who said she's worthy." Streak shrugged his shoulders casually. "If it were up to me I would say otherwise."

"You'd better watch where you put your tongue, I bet she could beat you five times faster than you could even have a chance of touching her." The only other she-cat, a blue tabby with striking white stripes, challenged the white tom with a single gray streak boldly. Her ears were shoved forward confidently, her blue gaze unwavering.

"I'd like to see her try, she hasn't had proper training." He scoffed, his gaze filled with disdain. I easily mirrored it, gazing him up and down, unimpressed.

"I beat Dark before he could even set a paw on me, I don't think you stand a chance." I narrowed my piercing blue eyes after my remark. I unsheathed my claws and allowed them to gleam threateningly.

"You're just a stupid rogue who thinks she knows everything and is unstoppable." His eyes glittered with rage as I pointedly turned my back on him.

"Oh yeah, and what were you before you joined this group?" Another tom, light gray with a white-tipped tail, smirked at Streak as he flattened his ears. _I think I'll fit in here. Who cares if I don't but these seem like cats who stick up for the unappreciated._

"A cat who had enough sense to shut my mouth when I should." He snapped back. _My turn to throw another insult,_ I thought with almost mad glee.

"I guess you've lost your sense since then, because I don't see it now." I casually licked a paw and drew it over my ear as if I had lived here all my life. There's no reason to act differently. "Consider me introduced, I can handle hunting by myself. Or do you need me to babysit you? I think I see a tear welling up in your eye." I left the cats, and strode through the first den confidently. As I nearly reached outside, an idea of escaping entered my mind.

"Where are you going, Synndra?" I despise cats calling me by my name, it's mine and only mine and they don't deserve to have the knowledge of what it is, but it was necessary to give the undeserved that information for reasons stated earlier.

"Hunting, getting kind of hungry due to the mouse-dung of a cat Streak and his stressful tour." I nearly made it out, but Dark pinned my tail with a claw.

"New cats can't go out until they have earned their place." I stared at him in shock, so I sit on my tail like a housecat instead? No thanks! I attempted to stride out anyways, but two guards seated at the entrance stopped me. "You're going to run away." he mewed.

"Deal with it, you've got like a hundred other cats." I darted swiftly to the left, and the guard's claws pierced empty air as I raced away. Once I ran out of breath I slowed down to hunt. I didn't hear any approaching pawsteps, so I dropped into a sloppy crouch because at that point I didn't care. I quickly, quietly killed a mouse and a squirrel. After eating them both I managed to scoop up a fish, of which I taught myself too. Near the cave ran a shallow stream, easy for catching food. After I caught a few more of the slick creatures, with a full mouth I padded back to camp like nothing happened. Dark looked at me quizzically.

"You didn't run away?" He frowned in confusion. I dropped my fish to explain.

"Who said I was running away? I just said I was going hunting." I almost got away with it, but the black tom called me back.

"Did you catch those yourself?"

"No, it was raining fish and I managed to scavenge a few." I rolled my eyes and continued to pad away from him. With a bemused look, he told me one last thing.

"The prey pile is in between the nursery and warriors' den." I gave no acknowledgement, but I deposited the fish there anyways. As I left I noticed an older cat prodding it suspiciously.

 _I didn't poison them, mouse-brain._ I skirted around the edge of the large cave and slipped into the 'special warriors' cave' or whatever they call it.

"Look who's back." Streak was dismayed at the blue she-cat's voice.

"An idiot would run away, only to be hunted down again." I curtly commented as I settled down on the cold floor off to the side. I curled up by myself, at least a few cat-lengths farther away from the others. I closed my eyes and the stone cold floor seemed to comfort me, oddly. It always has, always will.


	3. I Can Take Care of Myself

Chapter 3: I Can Take Care of Myself

I woke up, and suddenly I felt panicked as dark, cold, wet stone greeted me. _Where am I?_ Then I remembered, silly me. I'm just here… where I apparently live at now. I glanced around and saw everybody was sleeping, their sides falling and rising softly. My eyes found Streak, the mouse-brain idiot who 'introduced' me to a few cats yesterday. I had to introduce myself in reality. Then my gaze flitted over to the only other she-cat in this advanced group or whatever you want to call it. Now that I count it, there are sixteen of us. I only recognized two other cats; Rock, who is showing signs of being a cruel cat, and the white she-cat with blue stripes. I still don't know her name. I don't care.

I got to my paws quietly, and slipped out of the den by myself. No other cats were awake even in the other den where the average warriors slept. On soft, light paws I went into the main cave that was also nearly pitch black. I crept out into the darkness, not even the shadows stirring. I silently darted up a tree, climbing to the top so I could see all that lie before me. Everything that I could claim was mine. I closed my eyes as the moon rose in the sky, not yet to its highest peak. I let my rhythmic breathing soothe me as a slight breeze ruffled my silvery fur. I breathed in the warm scent riding on the wind, promising the usual greenleaf weather.

My left foreleg was draped across a branch almost parallel to the ground, my three other legs clinging tightly to the rough bark. I loved being in the trees, and I can navigate through them like any squirrel could, but I have a fear of heights. I push it down so much that sometimes I forget I'm afraid, but my snap-decision reactions still default to being afraid of heights. I closed my eyes, and let my slow, soft breathing carry me to sleep. The usual nightmares didn't touch me, couldn't touch me. I dimly heard yowls, cat yowls, in the background as black figures attempted to touch me, but then a dazzling white cat would fight it off. There seemed to be many, here, there, everywhere. And odd enough, they had pure white wings. Wings. A cat with wings.

I didn't have any questioning thoughts about the black figures, but of course I questioned the wings. Winged cats? My thoughts really are rather odd….

When I awoke the sun glowed slightly in my eyes, making my pelt feel warm physically though I still felt the dull cold in my chest. I've always had it there, ever since… then. I slid down the trunk, and came face-to-face with a stocky cream-colored tom.

"Watch where you're going, mouse-brain." I snarled as I stalked off. He only stared after me, his dark amber eyes blinking in bewilderment. _I'm absolutely surrounded by dumb cats! Idiots!_ I know others think I think I'm superior to them, and honestly I do. They're clumsy, slow, just plain dumb. They couldn't understand a problem if it slapped them in the face. _Idiots,_ I thought for about the millionth time in my life.

I swiftly caught three mice and two fish, and after I ate a blackbird and then I returned to camp after the sun had only barely risen. I left my prey where I had left it yesterday and I went back to the little cave nearly unnoticed. Not that it really mattered. I settled down on the cold stone, and I tried to sleep but I kept shifting uneasily. _What's wrong with me?_

With an impatient growl I got up and starting grooming my spiking fur down. After I had finished my pelt seemed to glow in the darkness. _What now? Normally I explore or hunt or sleep for the day… I can't explore because I may not be able to find my way back, I just hunted enough for at least five cats, and obviously I can't sleep._

I heard a sigh and I heard pawsteps thud towards me. "You're going to wake everybody up with all your tossing and turning, do you want to go out hunting or something?" I turned my hostile eyes away from the wall to find a handsome- no, I did _not_ just think that. I swear I didn't. Anyways, I turned my eyes to see a young looking tom with a black pelt with fiery red forepaws and friendly dark blue eyes.

"I just caught three mice, two fish, and a blackbird. Is that not enough?" I answered with less fire than I aim at others who are stone cold. I may be defensive, infuriating, annoying, sharp-tongued, and downright rebellious, but I still have a heart. It may be torn and iced and black, but it's still there.

"I was just trying to spare you of how long the older cats' lectures can go on about how you disturbed their well-earned rest and blah blah blah." His dark blue eyes rolled to the right as his left ear twitched.

"They'll leave me alone, or they'll have to retire after the injuries I give them." I turned away from him, curling up in a ball. But he prodded me again. I growled at him again. "What's your problem?"

"Come on, please?" He begged, his blue eyes rounding out innocently.

"I can see why you're one of the advanced warriors or whatever you wish to call them." I commented dryly. "Afraid of the dark?"

"Afraid of loneliness." He shrugged and continued to sit beside me. His pelt nearly touching mine infuriated me beyond anything else he had done. Exactly why feelings are pointless, useless. There's no logic, and they drive you insane. I don't need feelings.

"If anything I'm going to drive everyone away." I muttered almost pitifully as I pulled myself into a tighter ball.

"You just haven't given anyone a chance." He yawned as he shook his fur out. "I'll leave you alone afterwards," he promised.

"Fine." I snapped, and got to my paws. "I'm only going because you'll finally leave me alone."

"Believe the lies you wish to." He teased as he led out of the tunnel. His silly teasing was annoying, I don't know why. Anything happy anybody does makes me feel hollow, lonely, which leads to anger and fury. The usual cycle. Yay life.

"You haven't been out since you were captured, have you?" He asked as I glanced around blankly, I only lived near here for less than a day.

"At least you openly admit that I wasn't ever supposed to be here." I muttered, not answering his question nor denying it.

"That wasn't the question." He murmured almost dejectedly.

"And that wasn't the answer." I rolled my eyes and scented the air. Nothing.

"Why do you have to be so difficult?"

"Why do you have to care?" I countered.

"Because you're the new cat and they're usually picked on."

"Hah, I'm not picked on because I'm new."

"So you are picked on?"

"And you care why?"

"You're _trying_ to get me mad…." He sighed and muttered something under his breath.

"So what if I am?" I muttered.

"Can you just not stand being friendly? Even for a few seconds." I glared at him icily, giving me a few seconds to think of a comeback.

"I can't stand being around idiots who think they know everything, duh." I spat back heatedly, though I know that's not the real reason. He doesn't deserve to know the true reason, nobody does. It would turn me weak. Or maybe I am weak because of the real reason. I'm already weak. _No I'm not!_

"If you'd stop lying to yourself for one quick minute maybe you'd have friends." He countered as his fur started to rise. _Almost got rid of him, thank goodness._

"Who says I want friends." I muttered under my breath. His dark blue eyes glared at me, but he said nothing. He just padded next to me quietly. Too quietly. The silence was killing me, I needed to let my out my rage somehow.

I heard a squirrel, but by the time I crouched down the tom had already pinned it down. I growled as he gave it a clean killing bite.

"It was mine." I growled as he buried the squirrel. _What's the point of catching a warm, freshly-killed squirrel and then drench it with dirt? Disgusting._

"Catch it faster next time." He shrugged casually as he lifted his nose slightly to scent for any other prey. Nothing.

"You only caught it because in fear it ran into the tree." I pointed out. He pouted, growling and whining at the same time.

"Bet you can't fish." He taunted as he strode over to the stream running with water and many plump, tasty fish.

"You're about as slimy and disgusting-looking as a fish, do you count?" I called out innocently, excitement coursing through me at the chance to hunt and prove my superiority.

"Oh yeah?" He immediately swiped a paw through the water, and it pierced a fish but it wriggled out of his grasp with ease. His face fell and I laughed.

"Nice going, I can see how great of a fish-catcher you are." His whiskers twitched angrily while his tail lashed.

"Never thought anybody could ever get to me." He muttered as I sat down next to the calming water.

"Cough cough softie." I stretched my claws out as far as possible, and in one clean swipe I scooped a fish bigger than the one he missed out onto the shore. I gave it one bite and abruptly dropped it in front of his paws. "And did I mention fish is my favorite?"

"Only because they're like you, they're slimy, cold, and hard to catch." He failed to come up with an actually decent comeback. Again.

"Ah, I'm hard to catch now aren't I?" I smirked at his dismayed face. _Toms run after anything that moves, I swear._ I could almost feel the the heat rolling off of his pelt in waves. I walked around swinging my hips, making him turn hotter. "Didn't mean it like that, did you?"

"You actually think I meant it like that?" he sneered, though his ears gradually flattened against his head in embarrassment.

"Judging by the enormous waves of heat coming off of you, I think so." I rolled my icy blue eyes after my own blunt comment. I know he just failed at snapping back with a smart comeback, but the heat coming off his pelt was unnerving. I casually caught another large fish as he just stood there, just blankly staring at me. "You are a disappointment to me, you can't even come up with an original comeback. You are a failure in life."

"You're even sadder, you judge how successful you are in life by how fast you can become a jerk." _He's set this argument well, for me anyways. No promises for him._

"I've been a jerk, I didn't become one overnight." _Actually I kind of did…. But he doesn't need to know that, now does he?_ "And that was better, but make it more to where cats care what it is you're saying."

"You are absolutely infuriating!" He growled as he stomped off.

"I try!" I called out lightly. I snorted to myself and caught a few more fish before returning to camp. With a full mouth I strode back into the cave confidently, cats turning their questioning gazes towards me. I could almost feel their unspoken questions, thoughts. _Who is she and why is she walking as if she's superior? Why is her head held so high, why are her steps thudding with pride?_

I picked the smallest fish for myself, and went to the smaller cave. It was halfway to sunhigh, and I was still wide awake. Only one cat was still left in the cave, a medium brown tom with black tabby stripes, with pale yellow-green eyes. He gave me a curt nod and I just ignored him and went back to where I had attempted to sleep last night, off on the left side as close to the wall as possible. _I really need to get some moss or something here so I can fall asleep faster._

"Moss is in a small cave connected to this, goes underground. Entrance is under the ledge from ground to the caves." The brown tom informed me. I felt surprise grip me, was he…? Nevermind, I must've said something aloud and not noticed.

"Only reason I'm here, I can read minds." He muttered as his striking yellow eyes opened. "I'm not too strong, but thinking is my area of expertise."

"Reading minds is impossible!" I protested, my voice growing stronger with conviction. "You're lying."

"How else would I know that you were wondering where to find moss, mouse-brain?" He asked dryly.

"Great. I'm surrounded by idiots _and_ freaks." I muttered as I turned my back on him, my eyes gazing blankly at the stone cold wall. I heard shuffling and he came up next to me. "Can you cats not understand when one wants to be left alone?" I hissed.

"You'll need friends in this place, Synndra." Again, that rage at someone calling me by my name that they don't deserve. His voice was low and warning, though I brushed it off like a pesky fly that won't stop bothering you.

"I'm tough enough to survive on my own." I snarled as I got to my paws and faced him. "What's the worse that can happen, they hate me? Oh how awful, because I've never experienced that before." I rolled my eyes as he let out a soft sigh.

"This place will seem alright, but that's until you have to meet… the others. A few cats have died because they picked a fight with the wrong crowd." His whiskers twitched as his pelt seemed to tremble with anger and terror. "If not friends, you'll need others that will stick up for you."

"The others seemed to stick up for me when Streak was being a mouse-brain." I muttered disbelievingly.

"That's just because nobody likes the over-confident idiot." He rolled his pale yellow-green eyes as his whiskers twitched. Mine did too, but only ever so slightly. "Most have already seen what has happened to others when you stick up for the hated ones, and they keep away."

"I could outmatch them in speed any day." I muttered. "So are these 'scary murderers' some of the stronger ones or just the pathetic fools in the other cave?" I jerked my head towards the tunnel to the larger cave.

"They're some of the smarter, stronger normal cats." He muttered, stealing a glance at the tunnel. "They're so envious they kill us off. We had twentyfive, but half of us were rebellious and the other half was cautious. I'll bet you can guess which half got it."

"I will survive. I got the heart of a tiger." I turned away from him and he fell silent. Finally. About time, too.

"I'll stick up for you if you want, I stick up for anyone really. Just subtly."

"I told you, I can take care of myself." I growled back. He dipped his head and strode out of the den. I can take care of myself, how else have I survived a whole year by myself?


	4. Freedom, For Some

**So I don't usually leave author's notes because most the time it's unnecessary, and I typically get annoyed at authors who do this too, but it would really mean a lot to me if some of the readers left reviews. This book is and was a way for me to get out my emotions and a way to express myself, and I wanted to share it with other people so maybe they could relate and love it just as much as I do. It really makes my day to know someone besides myself in this world actually cares about my writing, as cheesy as it sounds, and I'd love it if I got more reviews. Shout out to my loyal reviewer and reader, Foreststar of WindClan, who has been there since the first version and reviewed all my chapters. I'll let you get back to reading, and thanks for your time :)**

Chapter 4: Freedom, For Some

For the rest of the day I just sat around on my tail, hunted every once in a while, and slept. It was somewhat relaxing, but I still kept myself alert at all times. One can never be too cautious, you know.

No other annoying cats, which was practically everyone, bothered me for the rest of the day, but the brown tom's warning stayed in my mind. Could I _really_ be killed because I'm not the most sympathetic cat? Or was he just trying to scare me? I don't know.

I slept soundly, or at least as soundly as I could with the end of the nightmares being me dead, the killer walking free because nobody cares. Then I would black out, I'd wake up, and then once I lay my head down again it'd replay in my mind.

"Get up." I felt a paw with slightly unsheathed claws prod my shoulder. I instantly lunged for whoever touched me, my mind still blurry with sleep but sharp enough to pin him down. It was a tom, easy to tell by his deeper meow. Surprised, Streak clawed back, but they glanced weakly off my right foreleg.

"I swear I was just getting you up, not trying to murder you!" He hissed as I just stared blankly at him, as if not comprehending the message he was trying to convey. Playing dumb, it works more than it should these days.

"And I swear I will kill you next time you startle me." I got off of him, but I continued to glare just to unnerve him. A murdering glint, some strays had said.

"Consider half of your goal done." He muttered as he swiftly licked his white fur down, spiky from shock and startlement.

"Now what was so important you had to interrupt my wonderful dream of being murdered?" I glowered at him as he rolled his eyes. He wakes me up, he has to deal with a not-so-happy Synndra. He can't expect me to be in a happy state when I'm dreaming of being murdered and then taps a claw on my shoulder.

"Dark wants to see exactly what you do and don't know." I turned away, curled myself back up in a tight ball, closed my eyes, and muttered, "I know more than you and I honestly don't know how you live with yourself. Consider my test completed."

"I can see how great and respectful of a warrior you'll be." He growled impatiently as I 'pretended to be asleep.'

"Why be respectful when you could be the one respected?" I muttered grumpily as my ears flattened to block out his angry mews.

"She'll make a great leader, give her a break Streak." Dark padded in, his footsteps barely making a sound. _He sent Streak to not-so-kindly wake me up then decides to pay me a visit as well? So considerate._

"She's an arrogant fool, she'd make an awful leader." Streak muttered. Dark merely gave him a withering glance, and turned his dark green gaze towards me, of which I felt it scorch my back as I refused to turn around.

"She's a cat who knows when and when not her input is wanted." He glared pointedly at the white tom, and after muttering something that sounded resentful he lowered his head. "I want to test you."

"Bye Streak, have fun failing."

"Actually, I was talking about-"

"You wouldn't understand sarcasm if it slapped you in the face." I snapped heatedly as I squeezed my eyes shut. "Which is why I'd make a twice as good leader as you. I may not be the most sympathetic cat, but others would obey due to respect, not fear."

"They don't listen based on fear." he snapped back hotter than I had. I wasn't trying, though. Which is the sad thing. Apparently I struck a nerve, which means he knows I'm right. Well, that's a given, when have I been wrong? But it's pathetic when he gets so riled up and I don't even have to _try_.

"Ask a cat like me and they'll say otherwise." I murmured as I gave a fake yawn. "Well, now you know I know more about your cats and I don't know how you don't know. Night."

"Fighting-wise I'd like to see how good you are." I almost sensed his eyes narrow in outrage and anger.

"Fighting-wise I'm faster than you and wiser than that Scowl or whatever." I gave a dramatic pause, "and I'm stronger than Streak."

"You only pinned me down because-"

"-I surprised you. How pathetic is that? Surprise is a key element of fighting, if you aren't prepared for it then you are absolutely no match for me. I managed to fight that brown pelted tom off because as a rogue I always have to be on guard. Therefore I survived. You have only survived because you're a coward and will run away from fights." I spat at the white tom as Dark muttered in annoyance under his breath. "Oh, I'm sorry, was I not being the perfect, kind, loving, stupid warrior everybody else is? My mistake, I forgot being myself isn't always the right thing."

"One more word and you'll be kicked out." Dark threatened as I heard a clean swipe as his claws slid out.

"That's all I've ever wanted!" I leapt to my paws and dashed out of the tunnel like a silly kit. "Bye!" _Well played, Synndra._ I thought to myself as I raced out of the tunnel. I heard a snort, Streak by the somewhat relief. He couldn't let me get away fast enough. But I heard thudding pawsteps, and with a slight, quick glance behind me I saw Dark racing after me.

"Synndra, halt!" He yowled as I outpaced him.

"You're not the leader of me. You never were." I slowed down to tease him, sending a smirk at him. "You did basically exile me, anyways."

"You're coming back." He snarled as I darted out of reach. I could feel the tension and annoyance crackling in the air. Perfect.

"Hah, I'm never going back!" I pretended to trip over a stone, and the second I 'tripped' he pounced. Only I darted out of reach again. I laughed kind of harshly, enjoying how he failed at taming me. I am a wolf, I am wild and untameable. I am a lone wolf, most of all. I need no one, ask for nothing, get nothing. It works out, and everybody is happy. As in I'm perfectly fine while others get infuriated with me, as quick as a flash of lightning.

I leapt up a tree smoothly, my lean muscles rippling with ease. He attempted to claw his way up, but he ended up landing awkwardly. I just stared blankly at him as he winced.

"Did the poor kitty get a scratch?" I mewed innocently as he glared at me. Out of where something flew into me and I stumbled out of the tree, though my claws vainly fought to stay on. Terrified, I tried to wrap my forelegs onto the branch, panicking quite a bit, but they slipped and I crashed to the ground.

"Afraid of heights, eh?" Dark's eyes glowed triumphantly as he pinned me down. Swiftly twisting to the right, I darted away from his grasp but he managed to catch a hind leg with his claws. I quickly leapt away, but I accidentally raced into a tree trunk. I heard more pawsteps, and as I blacked out I faintly felt my fur scraping against the grass, dragging.

"Get your claws off me." I woke to hear a deep mew with an angry edge. I opened my eyes and saw a dark blue tom with striking black stripes growl, his skinny frame trembling. In front of him stood a solid looking black tom with large brown splotches, green eyes glowering with fury. His stocky frame was bristling, fur fluffing up to make him look bigger than Dark.

"I can do anything I want, you can't order me around." He retorted as his claws dug into the blue tabby cat's skin, but he refused to flinch. Without any second thoughts I launched myself at the larger tom, my claws piercing exactly where I aimed for. They pricked his shoulder as he tried to turn around, trying to reach me. I dug my claws in deeper, clinging tighter. He twisted to the left, and I lost my balance. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the blue-pelted tom huddling next to the wall, trembling. I'm not sure why, nor will I ever know, why I put myself into danger for the sake of another cat, but I did that day.

"What's going on in there?" I heard another mew call, deep and thrumming. The stocky black and brown tom managed to pin me down, but I vainly kept clawing at his stomach with my razor-sharp weapons. I heard a few more thundering pawsteps, suddenly quickening. As another cat flipped me onto my belly so I'd be rendered helpless, the black and brown tom stepped away from me. Nevertheless, I kept fighting, spitting and clawing best I could.

"What exactly am I doing here?" I demanded as I was pinned down, helpless. I hate feeling helpless, hopeless. No answer. "Oh yeah, I forgot because I'm a prisoner of some sort I'm immediately dismissed as stupid and worthless."

"Glad you're smart enough to pick up on that." A she-cat, dark ginger with black forepaws, growled dryly as I was let up. I glared at her, but not without an intimidating hiss.

"Did someone actually make a good comeback? Oh thank goodness I'm not alone. I thought all these cats were too caught up in making their fur look pretty, or something stupid like that. Oh wait, they are." I rolled my icy, glaring blue eyes as the she-cat's fur fluffed up in outrage. I smirked as I was shoved into a smaller cave, by myself. "Told you you cats are caught up in something stupid, I see bones over there."

"Those aren't bones, idiot." The black and brown tom retorted as two more cats were placed as guards outside the cave. I looked at them with disdain, insignificance.

"Apparently you cats don't realize you'll need more than a few soft guards to stop me." I commented as my fur lay flat, unstirring as three hostile glares attempted to scorch my fur, their gazes boring down on my back.

"We are Dark's personal guards, we're not in the least soft." A light gray tabby tom growled, his claws swiftly unsheathing without hesitation.

"I don't believe you." They looked as if they were waiting for an explanation, but I just sat there with a blank look on my face. "So where did that coward go?"

"Well the blue tom was-"

"You are absolutely clueless, you cats make me depressed with your failure of understanding what smart cats are saying." I mewed with disdain, my gaze flitting over them only briefly, my eyes dull and bored.

"You're clueless." A smokey gray tom with light blue eyes snapped, somewhat lamely. Well, that doesn't do it justice to simply say it was lame, in truth it was an epic fail. Spirit fail, even.

I shook my head slowly, almost mournfully. "You see what I mean there? Your comebacks are simply what I said only shortened. Depressing, really."

"We weren't put in the highest ranks based on how good we were at being smart." The brown and black tom snapped. Again, I let my gaze dull with boredom.

"Okay, I'm done with your petty games. Why am I being held prisoner, or is this just a sad welcome back 'home' party?"

"You really think cats are happy you're back?" One tom, black with a white chest, asked dully.

"You really think I care what words come out of your mouth?" I shot back in an instant, feeling satisfied by the facial expression that was on his face, he was completely taken aback. _Why am I always underestimated? I'm smarter, quicker, stronger in the mind and body. Why am I underestimated? I'm stronger than most cats, smarter. Why do cats look at me and think I'm weak? I've proven times over that I need no one and I'm as good as anybody else here._ Yet I'm still belittled.

"Dark says you'll be kept prisoner until you vow you will never run away." The she-cat explained stiffly as silence settled thickly in the air.

"I won't run away from Dark. Happy? Good." With a mighty leap, I flew over all three of them and raced out of the cave on light, confident paws. As the five cats in all leapt at me, I ducked beneath all but one. The she-cat was smart and stayed behind, but I easily swatted her away without much effort. The blue tabby tom was gaping with astonishment, and I quickly hissed, "get out or you'll stay here until you die."

"Thanks." He meowed hoarsely as he followed me out of the 'prisoner cave.' But I was quickly stopped by Dark himself as a large paw was brought down on my head. Or at least it would have been, if I hadn't ducked. A few of the warriors scattered out in the main cave raced at me and the skinny blue tom, and we were circled. _There's no we! Just me, myself, and I._

"I never said I was leaving, although any cat in their right mind would once I've been imprisoned for not being the perfect little cat I'm supposed to be." I muttered as Dark faced me, his fur bristling while his eyes were green fire.

"You're trying to let a murderer escape." He hissed as his eyes darted towards the blue tabby.

"I don't have a name now, do I?" He muttered under his breath, but not quietly enough. As a lithe dark brown tom attempted to claw him for speaking, I quickly darted to intervene. In the blink of the eye I whirled around and bunched my muscles to spring at the lithe dark brown tabby. I bowled him over before he could lay a claw on the blue tabby, and in no time I pinned him down as I, somewhat viciously I suppose, bit his throat. He let out a cry, and I was thrust onto my back.

"I told you she was never anything but trouble." Streak muttered from the front of the crowd, his eyes glaring almost triumphantly. _Cheeky mouse-brained idiot._ A few more strings of insulting names ran through my mind before it went totally silent.

"You _will_ be one of the warriors we need." Dark hissed, staring me down as I was allowed to rise to my paws. With savage satisfaction I saw the dark brown tom limp off, barely able to stay on his paws.

"You've said that too many times to count, and I've yet to change." I paused for a second as his whiskers twitched in annoyance. "If that's even possible, which I forgot to mention there's no changing me. I like myself the way I am, and nobody can convince me otherwise." With a smirk, I added, "especially not mouse-brains who think they own everybody and everything they set their eyes on."

"You can be prisoner or one of the most respected-"

"Hah, you think others respect me. Shows how much you know." I rolled my icy eyes after my own comment.

"They would, if you'd just give them a reason _to_ respect you," he snarled as his claws sheathed and unsheathed, becoming a black if not a dark gray blur.

"Who says I care if I'm respected?" I countered as I let my fur bristle.

"Fine, I'll make you a deal." He offered flatly as his voice dulled, he's giving up. He's tired of fighting, my bickering skills come in handy more often than they don't. "If you agree to stay your newfound friend-"

"How about cat mistreated because of some little mistake? I have no friends." Dark merely nodded warily, too tired of my rebellious nature and never-ending retorts, I suppose. "And the other four cats I saw slinking in the shadows."

"But they weren't even near you, how-"

"I have a nose." I answered the unfinished question dryly.

"Fine." He agreed, and most cats immediately protested.

"She doesn't know of the havoc they caused!"

"She's an outsider, she wouldn't know!"

"Never trust a rogue."

"You can't be serious!"

"Second chances exist, do they not?" I snarled louder than anyone else, and for the most part they quieted down.

"Set Legend, Hunter, Dragon, Fire, and Lion free." Dark ordered in a strong, commanding voice. The five of his guards shuffled without a hint of reluctance and fetched the four other cats.

"Hunter was always too smart for his own good, and too depressed." One cat meowed darkly as he cast a suspicious glance at the dark blue tabby. Hunter, if that's his name, I'm just guessing, slowly crept over to me timidly, his skinny figure quivering.

"Thanks." He murmured quietly, his dull fur flat, his eyes lifeless. It's obvious he's been prisoner for some time, how long I dare not ask.

"No problem." I muttered as I sat beside him, the silence unnerving me. I've given four other cats a second chance, and honestly I'm just the slight bit curious who they are. Behind the five large cats with stocky, thick muscles crept four thin cats, in the same condition if not worse than Hunter.

Three were she-cats, much to my surprise. Most of the cats here seemed to be toms, I assume most the she-cats are suited to be queens with kits, not warriors. The one who seemed to be the leader was a fiery ginger tom, not a mark on his ragged pelt. His medium blue eyes glittered warily as he glanced at his surroundings. The cat one step behind him was a tough looking she-cat, a deep gold with light brown eyes that were narrowed suspiciously. The cat behind her was a more-so friendly looking she-cat, black with light, friendly blue eyes. The cat padding in the back was a suspicious dark golden she-cat with light ginger patches, her light green eyes guarded.

"This is the cat that bribed Dark to let you free, remember you go back once a whisker is out of line." A dark cream tom growled, shoving the four cats forward as he gave them a look of disdain. He underestimates them too. All four, as if on cue, narrowed their eyes but gave a curt nod.

"We offer no thanks," the solid golden she-cat growled, her light brown eyes narrowing as she studied me.

"And I expected none." I lifted my head and held her gaze evenly as she stared at me. I felt a ripple of dislike crawl down my spine, surging through my blood.

"She's just being a mouse-brain, we do appreciate it." The black she-cat murmured, though her voice sounded hollow. She's weak, like they all were. I curtly nodded, and then continued on my way out. I slipped off into the thicker part of the forest, wondering things I dared not think about before. _Am I becoming soft? I actually stayed so others could have a chance at life. I actually cared, on a minor scale but I did. I felt pity. No, I'm not weak, how could I even think that?_

"It sure has changed." I leapt back in surprise at the blue tabby's voice, scaring me out of my thoughts.

"Next time talk when someone cares." I spat at him as I stalked off, but he pursued me. _Why am I surrounded by cats who_ try _to annoy me?_ "Why are you following me?"

"Because I don't know my way around and obviously I'm in no state to hunt by myself but I'm sick of that cave." He answered casually, able to keep up with my fast pace despite his awful condition.

"Leave me alone, everywhere I go I'm annoyed by lesser cats!" I tried to lose him, picking up my pace. But he still acted like he could keep up easily, though his sides heaved and his mouth hung wide open. "Leave me alone, or do I have to kill you as the only other option?"

"You wouldn't kill me." He answered simply as his dark blue eyes glazed over. "What would be the point of saving my life if you end up ending it anyways?"

"I don't have to answer you." I snapped as I ran as fast as I could, the cloud cover turning the ground dark. I lengthened my stride, and with a quick glance I didn't see anybody following me, so I slowed down and stopped to hunt. I knew the fish wouldn't be out, seeing as it's about to start raining. I pounced on a mouse, hooked a squirrel, caught another mouse. Just going through the motions.

I brought my prey back to the cave, and guess who was waiting for me. Can't a cat take a hint as obvious as the ones I've been dropping?

"What do you want?" I asked warily after he followed me to the fresh-kill pile. "Can't you take a hint?"

"I want a friend, I've been lonely in that cave. The others don't truly accept me." Pity almost touched me, but I forced it down to the bottom of my heart. _I don't care what he feels, his fault for talking to me in the first place. It doesn't matter to me._

"That's your problem, not mine now is it?" I padded away with a squirrel in my jaws, but he kept close to my heels. "I swear I'm going to kill you sooner or later."

"Never most likely instead of later." He muttered as he strode beside me.

"Only the 'advanced warriors' go to the smaller cave in the back." I snapped at him as I nearly slipped into the cave.

"I _was_ an advanced warrior, mouse-brain." he muttered under his breath, though his next statement was sharper. "I wasn't born yesterday."

"No, you just nearly died yesterday." I answered flatly, and with a large sigh I slipped into the smaller cave, a dark blue-black room dripping with water. I went off to the edge and hoped he would leave me alone, but as soon as I came to a halt he did too. "Leave me alone, will you?" I snarled as my claws flexed, glittering in the dim light.

"I need a friend, you need someone to protect you, where's the harm?" He gazed at me simply, as if I wasn't some sort of miniature terror that normally clawed a cat's throat out if they upset enough. And quite frankly, it doesn't take too much to set me off.

"For the last time, I don't need someone to protect me." I growled as my tail gave one single lash. He ignored it.

"I was imprisoned because I was set up by some of the average warriors." He told me in a low voice, cautious, wary voice. He glanced around nervously, as if he was afraid someone would hear.

"Find someone who cares." I growled as I curled up in a tight ball, ignoring his mews. He just laid down right beside me, his dark blue tabby fur brushing mine. I hissed in annoyance and got up, trudging away from the infuriating tom. But he just followed me, his paws softly hitting the stone cold floor.

After a few more times of constant moving, I gave up and went to sleep. His fur was warm, and eventually I felt warmer where his fur slightly touched mine. _No! I don't want him here! I only pretty much saved his life, nothing more. I want nothing more to do with him!_ I tried my best to convince myself I didn't want him anywhere near me, ever, but in the back of my mind I heard the other tom's warning. _You'll need friends in this place, Synndra_. No I don't. I don't need, or even _want_ friends. No I don't.


	5. I Don't, I Can't, I Won't

Chapter 5: I Don't, I Can't, I Won't

When I woke up, I didn't wake up because I wanted to. Hunter's paws were rested on my back, and I felt claws pricking my skin when I suddenly awoke. I instantly flew to my paws, the blue tom's forelegs merely falling to the ground. He didn't even wake up as I hissed in annoyance, his tail just twitched. I shook out my fur, and left the cave. I suddenly remembered something I had been looking for a day or two ago… moss.

I went under the ledge into an even smaller cave, following my nose, and all around was moss. Dry, soft moss piled to the roof. It looked like a palace of moss, covering the walls and floor. It squished beneath my padded paws as I went to the back of the room to retrieve some. Neat piles were stacked in the back, and I couldn't help but wonder, _how did they get this this neat and pile it up so high?_ I took the largest bundle I could in my jaws, and softly padded back to the cave. The blue tabby was still where I usually slept, so with a frustrated sigh I built the nest around him.

Once I was satisfied, Hunter happened to wake up. As soon as I thought I was done, I thought to myself irritably. For a second he looked confused, he's probably not used to waking up to soft snores. But when he caught sight of me his eyes seemed to grow distant, he's probably remembering I guessed.

"Move, trying to make a nest here." I muttered as he got to his paws.

"What a great cat to wake up to." He teased, though he moved obediently and I quickly placed some moss down where he had lay only a few moments ago. "Hunting?"

"You can." I answered flatly, avoiding his question. His whiskers twitched, probably trying to figure out my backstory and everything. Most likely he has by now. Analyzing me.

"I meant do you want to come hunting with me?" His dark blue eyes glimmered hopefully, and I rolled my eyes as I refused to answer. "Just once?"

"No, I can manage on my own fine." I snapped as I finished my nest, nice and large. "I don't understand why it's on all you cats' daily agendas to annoy me as much as possible."

"You just _get_ annoyed when someone at least tries to be friendly. If you weren't so uptight you might actually survive this place." He stared at me, clearly looking for a response. _If it's a response he's looking for, he's not getting one,_ I thought as I just brushed past him on confident paws. But he followed me, and I growled in annoyance.

As I swung around to confront him, my claws slid out in one, quick, clean motion. I snarled before saying a word, it seems to make cats more likely to listen.

"I swear I'm going to kill you if you come anywhere near me again." My neck fur bristled while my icy blue eyes turned a blue fire. _Why can't I just get away? I don't want friends!_ I thought to myself for about the hundredth time. But his calmness was what infuriated me more than anything. He just simply stared back with a blank look, barely even acknowledging the fact I was making death threats.

"If I'm not ever going to be your friend, can you at least be someone who will stick up for me when I'm picked on?" He asked, almost begged. _What a pathetic loser._ But nonetheless, I still agreed, if only to get him away.

"Fine." I snapped less heatedly. He nodded rather formally, but his dark blue eyes glowed with appreciation.

"Thanks. Most cats around here seem to realize you're one of the best fighters… and no one will even glance in my direction." He glanced around the cave, as if looking for something.

"Prey is between the nursery and warriors' den." I muttered, just taking a shot in the dark. He rolled his eyes, but he stayed right where he was.

"I ate last night, mouse-brain. Where else would I get prey from?" _If I'm going to be his 'protector' or whatever, he needs to figure out how to stand up for himself using words. And how to not set up a conversation to where the other cat has an advantage. You know, good comebacks that nobody knows how to respond to._

"Oh I don't know… the forest?" I shook my head, muttering to myself.

"Do you always have to be so sarcastic?"

"Do you always have to be so caring?" I shot back in the blink of an eye.

"I'm not usually very caring." Hunter snapped back, his comebacks getting better.

"Then why do you care now?" The question surprised even myself, I don't care. I don't care. I shouldn't care. I can't- I don't.

"Because you're like me." He shrugged, and padded out of the cave on light paws. _What is that supposed to mean? I am_ nothing _like him. At all._ I raced after him, and it didn't even take a minute to catch up to him; he's still not in the best shape due to being holed up in a cave for who knows how long.

"What do you mean I'm like you? How could I possibly have anything in common with a murderer?" I knew I'd hit a nerve, my intent exactly, due to the fact he had said he had been wrongly accused.

"I'm not a murderer!" He hissed defensively, and usually I enjoy getting a rise out of cats. But oddly enough, not this time. I felt something like… guilt? I wouldn't know, emotions are as foreign as the cold is in greenleaf.

"Fine, forget I said that," I told him flatly before continuing, "but really, what could we _ever_ have in common besides the fact we're both cats?"

"You've been outcasted ever since you've set paw in this cave, I've been outcasted since I was born. We both have no friends, have you not realized that?" He leaned his shoulder on a large oak, his head resting there too.

I honestly had no idea how to respond to that, I hadn't even thought of it like that. I stumbled in my head for an answer, but there was not one to be found. No snarky comebacks either, unfortunately. _Thanks brain._

"I may not be as ruthless as you, but I am most certainly more observant than you." He pointed as as I only glared at him, at a loss for words.

"Or you just care more than me." I muttered as I stalked off. He didn't follow me, much to my surprise. I only half-heartedly caught a squirrel, almost slipping out of my grasp as I clumsily pinned its tail as it attempted to scramble up the tree. I caught a fish, caught a blackbird, another fish. Again, just going through the motions.

I suddenly smelled foreign cat scent, and I gathered my prey in my mouth as quickly as possible as I scrambled up a tree. It's my greatest safety and greatest fear, oddly. I clung tightly to the branches as I saw four cats pad below me. I breathed deeply after I set my prey down gently on the branches, no wind stirring the warm leaves.

It was the four cats I set free, their scent smelling of damp cave and something else… like infection. I saw the gold and red she-cat listen eagerly as the fiery red pelted tom spoke. I gingerly lowered myself from branch to branch to hear more, their voices were lowered, wary, cautious. _Why am I just saying the same thing only with different words?_

"So where do we go from here?" The solid golden pelted she-cat asked as silence settled gently among the group. I held my breath as the black she-cat glanced up at the sky, dark and cloudy. I softly moved slowly backwards, and I let a soft sigh of relief as her gaze flew past me.

"Take revenge due to use being wrongly accused or live our old life?" the golden and red she-cat asked as her eyes narrowed. Her mouth opened slightly as she breathed in the scents. Her pale green eyes lit up as she caught something of interest. I pressed myself closer to the branch, and before long she came back with a small mouse dangling in her jaws. The others said nothing, hadn't said anything since the absence of her presence.

"I think we should just become the respectful warriors we were supposed to be." The night-black she-cat announced.

"You mean forget they ever wronged us, Legend?" The golden she-cat snarled as her claws flexed impatiently. Her neck fur bristled in an instant, impressing even me. _Someone sure has a bitter grudge._

"All the evidence did point to us, to be fair," the dark golden she-cat with ginger patches pointed out. "How could they have known it wasn't us?"

"They could have believed us, Dragon." The fiery ginger tom snarled as his claws unsheathed too.

"I don't want to go back to that cave." Dragon muttered as Legend nodded her head in firm agreement.

"We deserve their apologies, they don't even realize they wrongly accused us!" the golden she-cat snarled. Even to me, a cat that made death threats on a daily basis, conceded that she looked ready to kill.

"And you wonder why they thought Lion was possibly the murderer." Dragon muttered to the black she-cat. She nodded as she trotted over to the gold and ginger she-cat, and sat down by her side. "What do you think, Fire?"

"I think they need to hear the truth." He meowed as his claws went back into their sheathe. "And if they don't listen, their loss. They'll pay for their mistake later."

"You can't possibly be siding with those other soft she-cats!" Lion shrieked as her lips drew back in a snarl.

"You think you're soft in order to even be noticed by you?" Legend shot back as she got to her paws, her fur bristling with outrage. "Or any of you stuck up cats. Save Dragon."

"Stop. The end of us will be when we turn on each other." Fire commanded, and immediately all three she-cats fell silent. "I smell a cat."

"There _are_ three others in front of you." Lion rolled her eyes as she casually licked a paw and drew it over her ear.

"Not you three!" He snapped as his mouth slightly hung open. His ears suddenly shoved forwards as his fur bristled. "I know you're there."

I said nothing, I just sat still as stone. I heard shuffling in a tree next to the one I lay hidden in, and to my surprise I saw Hunter slip out as his ears flattened. _You have nothing to be afraid of, mouse-brain._ I thought to myself as his tail swept the forest floor in shame.

"What are you doing here, mouse bile?" Fire growled as his claws unsheathed.

"I… I scented all four of you and I thought…." His voice trailed off, he couldn't think of a good excuse obviously.

"What exactly did you think?" Lion demanded as her claws also unsheathed. Legend and Dragon just watched with mild interest, it's obvious they don't know him too well or care. _She's just trying to impress him, make Fire side with her. She's pathetic, she obviously likes him. Lion's so desperate to impress him, to get him to pay attention to her she'll agree with him on anything. It's just depressing. I'll never be that moony-eyed about anybody. Ever._ I know this is the part in the story where someone points out that's what they all say and what not, but I was dead set on never being attracted to a tom. Ever.

"You may not have been the killers, but I know how twisted you can be, trying to impress Fir-" the dark blue tabby was cut off by Lion as soon as she realized what he was about to reveal. In my opinion it's so obvious it's sad nobody else knows, it shouldn't _have_ to be revealed.

"I don't want to impress anyone!" She cut him off as she snarled in his face. He flinched, and I felt like yelling at him, _never flinch or else they know they got you beat! Mouse-brains, the whole lot of them!_

"I'll just be going now, and let you two lovebirds work out how you're going to overthrow Dark and his loyal warriors." Hunter almost got away with it, but the golden she-cat stopped him before he could escape.

"Lovebirds my tail! We are _not_." she growled as her fur bristled further. At this point I got tired of lying in wait, so I leapt out of the tree and merely gave a formal nod to the cats gathered. Hunter didn't seem surprised, he must have scented me while I was so focused on the cats I didn't scent him.

"But you wish you were, now don't you?" I asked pointedly with a calm, cool look on my bright silver face. My blue eyes glared icily at the she-cat, I disliked her the heartbeat I saw her. The heartbeat she opened her mouth. The heartbeat her eyes settled on me.

"I think you've both gone crazy," she snapped as her tail gave a single lash.

"Then why are there huge waves of embarrassment rolling off you? Not to mention you're obviously upset, seeing as your fur is bristling while your tail is lashing." I felt the usual satisfaction when I leave a cat speechless, due to the fact they have no words to shoot back. Her mouth just hung open, gaping in shock. "Am I dismissed, Lion's love?"

"I don't want to _ever_ be called that again." Fire growled as his face furrowed into a frown, his lips drawn back in a snarl.

"Too bad you're not in charge of me, then." I looked at him squarely in the eye, and I saw something like interest spark in the depths of his medium blue eyes. "And does it really have to be revealed? Even I, an outsider to whatever this is, can recognize it when a cat is head over heels over a cat. Kind of desperate, isn't it, Lion?"

"What did I ever do to you to make you wreak havoc upon us?" She snarled and growled at the same time, warping it into a weird sound. I yawned casually as her claws unsheathed. As I licked a paw she pounced at me in a flash, but I was two steps ahead. Before even the _intention_ sparked in her mind I quickly sidestepped to the right, away from the others. As she crouched for a split second, I moved. She tried to change her direction last second, but it ended up making her land heavily. I unsheathed my claws and attacked from the side, swiftly raking my claws down her side before darting away again.

I had watched wolves fight, one time in the winter. I figured out how who seemed to be the leader won, he darted in to attack and then leapt backwards from any possible attacks. Unknowingly they were my mentors, and their fighting styles served me well.

"There's not much honor in defeating a half dead cat." Legend murmured as she looked at her friend, who was still on her side and breathing heavily. Blood trickled down her side only slightly, I didn't hurt her too bad on purpose. Just enough to set her in her place and assume mine.

"Then she shouldn't attack first. Honor is a made up thing anyways." I answered sharply as I sat down, my silver fur not even ruffled as it glowed in the sun. "And I barely touched her."

"Feels worse than that." She growled breathlessly. When she tried to sit up she almost instantly flopped back on her side. I rolled my eyes as she winced.

"Only because I gave weak wounds to an even weaker cat." I snarled before getting to my paws. "Nice meeting you cats, but I need to get my prey and bring it back." I darted up in the tree, only to find a hawk eating my prey. I hissed, and after bunching my muscles I leapt at the black and brown bird. It squawked in surprise, and to ensure I won I bit down sharply on its wings. I heard a _crack_ as the bone broke, and as it recovered from shock I leapt at its neck. I missed though, due to it sharply turning. It leapt off the branch, being the dumb bird it was, and tried to fly. I jumped on its back, my weight forcing it to the ground. The other cats only stared in astonishment.

 _I didn't want your help anyways, thanks._ I thought irritably as I clamped my jaws on its neck. It fluttered once, twice. Then it fell to the ground as I braced myself. As soon as we landed I jumped off its back and stared icily at the other cats.

"Thanks for your help, not like I needed anyways." I grabbed hold of a wing and dragged it away from the five cats, now ignoring my other prey the hawk only half ate. About half way back to the cave I heard a rustle, and immediately I dropped the wing and bristled, my jaw locked into a fearsome snarl.

"I was just wondering if you wanted help. If I offer in front of them they'll think I like you or something." Hunter muttered as he quietly crept up to the hawk. I let my hackles fall, and I stopped snarling.

"Thought you were that mouse-brain." I muttered as I picked up one of the wings.

"Which?"

"Any of them, really." I mumbled through the feathers. I coughed slightly as the mouthful of feathers tickled my throat. "Lion will cause trouble, though. I'm smart enough to realize that even this early."

"Exactly why most cats believed she was the killer, and obviously friends help friends so because of her bad reputation we all got thrown in a prison cave." I stayed silent for a while, something creeping up on me. _Do I have friends? No, I don't have friends!_ I argued in my head, though in the corner of my mind I heard a little voice whispering, _then why have you been talking to Hunter? Even for a moment, anyways. And why did you stand up for him when he was at a loss for words?_

 _Because I promised I'd protect him if he stands up for me,_ I argued though the thought never completely left me.

 _You don't care about any other promises you've made,_ the voice pointed out as I kept dragging the hawk along. It was much heavier than I expected, it was much easier to kill really.

 _Shut up, mind. I don't have friends!_

 _If you insist._ Of course I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't- can't- won't be friends with anybody. I won't let silly little 'friendship' get in the way of how strong I can be without it. Friendship makes cats betray others, that's never a good thing unless it's for my _own_ reasons. If I don't have any responsibilities for any other cats, they won't have any for me and I can go about being the strongest cat possible.

 _But does it make you happy to be alone?_

 _Doesn't matter._

 _Why must there always be these internal conflicts, they're getting annoying…._

 _And they're getting closer to the truth._

 _There is no truth I'm looking for!_

 _But there is a truth you need to know, the truth that even though you pretend you don't need others, you do. You hate being lonely, alone, rejected, but you cover it up in anger. Let others come closer to you, you'll be a lot happier._

 _I don't need others!_ I yelled at my mind in my head more forcefully than before.

 _You stupid, proud fool._ I could imagine a ghostly version of me shaking her head disapprovingly.

I don't need a friend. I don't. I can't. I won't.


	6. My Own Plan

Chapter 6: My Own Plan

It was the night of that same day, and I was annoyed as ever. The dark blue tabby tom decided that my nice large nest of soft, plush moss was his too, and once again his paws were rested on my shoulder. I let out a heated growl, and to my surprise he woke up.

"What's wrong?" He tried to stifle a yawn, but it made it sound even weirder.

"Your claws keep pricking my shoulder." I snapped as I shuffled away from him, but I was just met by a cold stone wall.

"Hypocrite," he murmured almost teasingly as I twisted my head around to glare at him. My icy blue eyes narrowed, just to give me that intimidating appearance I suppose. It's a gift, really.

"How so?" I snapped as my fur bristled. I wasn't really in the mood to argue this early in the morning, but I couldn't let a comment like that go either.

"You scorned Lion for whining at a little scratch, and here you are growling at me because I don't sit still when I sleep."

"You don't sit when you sleep." I muttered, completely ignoring the explanation except for that one part.

"You know what I mean." He muttered as he turned away from me. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I surprised myself when I replied. _I_ am _growing soft,_ I thought dejectedly as I closed my eyes. But to my annoyance, as I nearly fell asleep, I felt claws prick my shoulder again. "For goodness' sake, Hunter!" But to my surprise it wasn't the dark blue tabby, but the black tom with red forepaws that I managed to get away from me a few days ago.

"What do you want?" I growled as he sat down. _My nest,_ I thought somewhat protectively, and greedily, as he spoke.

"All the other cats over there won't let me sleep, can I sleep over here?" My first instinct screamed no! Absolutely not, that's your problem not mine! "I mean, you built a nest big enough for five cats," he muttered quietly as he glanced at his paws.

"Fine, I just don't want _you_ pricking me with your filthy claws either." I felt his fur brush mine as he settled down in the soft mossy nest, and I fought the urge to fly at him with unsheathed claws. _Before I know it I'll have everyone in this cave over in_ my _nest._ I thought with irritability.

"Where did he come from?" a question followed after a paw prodding me in the shoulder. Hunter. Again. _It's too early to be annoyed,_ I thought as sharp annoyance pricked me while I pushed myself into a sitting position.

"Who now?" I mumbled as if I was too groggy to understand what he was saying. As I said earlier, playing dumb works more than it should these days.

"Dark's son." Hunter muttered as his glare settled on the still-sleeping black tom with fiery red forepaws.

"I didn't know Dark was capable of being any sort of fatherly figure." I murmured as I swiftly groomed my fur down. I wasn't vain, I didn't really care how I looked or how I presented myself, but I wasn't keen on the idea of walking around with moss and twigs and leaves and pebbles all matted into my fur.

"Oh he's not, but he thinks promoting his son to one of the top warriors here is all he owes to Shadow." Hunter drew his tongue over his short dark blue tabby fur after explaining. _So that's his name, Shadow._

"Not a very original name. And I truly pity his mother." I pointed out as a smirk danced on my face.

"You might not want to say that around him. Dark can exile any cat he wants." Hunter warned in a low voice as his eyes darted around nervously.

"As if he'd exile me, again." I scoffed, rolling my bright blue eyes. "Dark knows he can't control me, unless he's the complete mouse-brain I know he is and continues to think I can be softened or whatever."

"You don't believe in cats changing?" Hunter questioned as his dark blue head tilted ever so slightly to the right.

"I guess a smart cat can turn into an idiot, or vice versa, but I can't be tamed. I won't." I held my head proudly as my gaze swept across the cave icily.

"I think you can change," he whispered softly as a chilling breeze swept through the cave. I nearly didn't catch his words, their message was nearly lost in the wind. Almost gone with the wind.

"Maybe if I wanted to." I snapped as my muscles tensed, my fur bristled, as my eyes narrowed into a hateful glare. _I won't change!_ "There's nothing that needs to change. There's no flaw to correct."

"Come on, Synndra." He gazed at me hopefully, dark blue eyes gleaming hopefully; a scary light dancing in them. "Stop hiding behind that difficult mask and be the cat you are when nobody is looking."

"Why should I listen to a complete stranger on how to run my life?" I growled as my neck fur fluffed up. _I am who I am, only to you I am imperfect. Only to myself I know I have flaws, I know I am hurting. I know I'm craving something more than respect. But it's really none of your business, nosy._

"Because no one else cares, so who else is there that will listen?" His tail gave a single sweep, barely skimming the floor of the cave as it nearly brushed the soft moss.

"You make it sound like it's so simple to just… change." I muttered as my head dropped a little lower. _He knows my weakness. He knows I'm not as tough as I try to make it out as. No he doesn't, he doesn't know a thing about me. Nothing at all._

 _Keep telling yourself that,_ a mocking little voice cawed. I stuffed it to the back of my mind as always.

"You just have to put in some effort and actually _try_ to change." He answered as his dark blue eyes locked with mine. But falling back on my old habits, I instantly broke it and suddenly found my paws very intriguing.

"Leave me alone." I growled as I got to my paws and slipped out of the cave. _Why can't they just leave me alone? I didn't ask to always be hurting, to always be so desperate for any attention I became that cat everybody unites against to hate. And then because they hate me I can then distance myself, but I keep hurting._

In a somewhat idle fashion, I just walked. I wandered around, sat by the river, raced up a tree. But I'm still not happy. My misery was like a never ending cycle, always keeping me in the worst of moods. _What kind of cat would I be like if I wasn't always this… awful? I'm not an idiot, I know I try to be the meanest cat in the whole cave._

 _You could_ try _to be likable,_ a scathing voice in the back of my mind pointed out. _No, that's just not who I am anymore._

Accidentally I slipped into a small brook, but I didn't panic. With confident movements, I broke onto the surface in a matter of seconds. I breathed deeply and forced my heart to slow down, it only scares me even more so. I may not be scared of 'intimidating' cats, but I fear other things. I am deathly scared of drowning, but same as the heights I force it down so far I don't even remember sometimes.

I clambered up onto the slippery bank, and I unsheathed my claws to get a better grip as my slippery paws interfered with my attempts to pull myself out. But I kept slipping back down into the water, my heart beating harder every time I found I couldn't find any air.

"Need any help?" A smooth voice asked as another attempt failed. I instantly stopped my struggles and tread the water, my eyes quickly finding Shadow's muscular form. Almost too fast. _Stop thinking like that, you idiot._

"I can help myself, thanks. I don't need you to steal my nest _and_ my pride." There's one difference between a proud me and the proud toms. I'll openly tell someone I don't need their help in order to save my precious pride, the toms will 'hide' it and insist they can do it themselves because they're them. Typical mouse-brains everybody else is.

"You and your pride." He muttered as his dark blue eyes rolled to the left.

"At least I don't 'hide' the fact I value it more than help, unlike you toms." I spat icily as I managed to grasp a drier spot on the bank, hauling myself onto dry land.

"You're judging me based on most others?" He inquired as I pointedly shook out my fur, splattering him with warm drops of water.

"Oh I've met you for a few minutes or hours, I've got you all figured out by now." I sat down, curled my wet tail over my paws, and stared at him challengingly as he too shook out his fur that was now wet, due to my carelessness.

"Oh really?" He asked coldly, a challenge hidden within the simple question.

"Do you want the long explanation or the short?" I asked as my icy blue eyes scanned the rest of my surroundings, I'm always on guard. Even though I guess I'm only formerly a rogue, I still have the same instant reactions and instincts as one.

"We have as long as you think you need." He answered coolly, his head raised slightly as to indicate he was challenging me. _He thinks I only know something about him that can fit into a sentence or two, he's got another thing coming if I'm correct. Of which I know I am, despite the thoughts most cats would have._

"You are over-friendly because you are insecure, I know that because you shuffle your forepaws anytime anybody is around, and your father doesn't care. Therefore you do not know your position, in which makes you insecure. You are blind to the fact every she-cat wants you because your ego is very fragile and small and you don't truly think highly of yourself, but you pretend to in order to compensate for the lack of in reality." He just blinked in something like astonishment, he was taken aback. "Is there nobody that doesn't look down on me or underestimate me?" I snapped as he blankly stared at me.

"Oh there's the rogue," I heard an unenthusiastic murmur as paws thumped the ground heavily. As if he was dragging them dejectedly. Everyone loves me, what can I say?

"Ah, there's the old cat who broke his legs jumping off the ledge. I was wondering if you died. More like hoping, really." I got to my paws and faced Streak as his fur bristled, as he came to a halt.

"I'm not old yet!" He spat in my face as his tail lashed several times. I wrinkled my nose in disgust and shook my head to rid myself of his spit.

"Either tell me why you even bothered finding me, or let me drown you in the river."

"Charming. I can see why he is so in love with you." My interest was instantly captured as my bewilderment and curiosity took the better of me.

"Who is it you mean?" I barked sharply as my fur bristled at the thought. _I've been trying to push others away, yet one has supposedly fallen in love with me not but a month after I was captured. How have my attempts to get others away actually do the opposite?_

 _He's just trying to screw with your head,_ the voice of reason pointed out. _Duh._

"Have I got your attention now?" Streak shot back as his yellow eyes gleamed in triumph.

"No, I'm not listening whatsoever." I countered as I waved my tail in farewell, padding away from the white tom I hate and forever will hate.

"I have a message from Dark!" He called after me as I strode away with my head held high in the arrogant fashion it usually is.

"Then tell me." I shot back as I darted up a tree. Leaving Dark's son behind, I nearly forgot he existed, Streak dashed after me. As he nearly caught my tail in his grasp, I darted into the next tree with ease, my muscles rippling smoothly.

"What do you think you are, a squirrel?" He shouted as he attempted to follow me. I purred in amusement, the feeling odd in my throat as he leapt for the next branch, only to fall short by a mouse-length. I gave a light-hearted laugh, only to abruptly stop. _Was that me? Or was it Streak and it just sounded like it was coming from myself?_

But he surprised me, grappling his way up the tree almost as fast as I could. Not near as elegantly, but close in speed. I swiftly clawed my way up the tree, my eyes quickly scanning for another pathway. But he kept up, almost catching me one time.

Once I got to the top I gazed at the scene that lay before me. The bright orange glow of the sun was radiating over the land, layering the treetops in orange. Its beauty nearly took my breath away, it was truly beautiful.

But before Streak managed to get me, I leapt from the branch I was on onto another tree. He stared at me in astonishment, but he didn't speak as he caught his breath.

"You tired yet?" I called out when he managed to breathe less heavily, his sides only slightly heaving though his mouth hung open.

"How can you keep jumping?" He asked wearily as he joined me on the top branch of the next tree over. But I leapt away from him as his white fur slightly brushed my silvery fur striped with black. I don't want or need friends. And I certainly don't want or need proximity.

"Because I'm not a weakling like you." I snapped as I lightly leapt onto another tree, a small branch piercing the skin on my right forepaw for a heartbeat. With an annoyed hiss I shook my paw and ignored my pain, waiting for Streak's answer.

"Where'd the other Synndra go?" he whined, almost pitifully. "The one that isn't the heartless, sarcastic, infuriating one standing before me."

"She doesn't exist." I growled as my fur fluffed up, though I felt like something else broke. _I want friends, yet I push the potential ones away. Why do I have to be so hopelessly complicated and conflicting?_ I dropped down the levels of the tree, and raced away from the white tom with the sad face. I ignored that too.

"Wait! Synndra!" I didn't listen to Streak's demanding voice, I just swerved to the left and ended up falling into that cursed river. _Fishing is fun, but becoming a fish isn't so great,_ I thought to myself as I attempted to claw myself up the river bank again. _This wouldn't be a great fishing place anyways, the surface is much too low from the bank. The other river around the cave, that has the river the same level as the ground almost, it is absolutely perfect._

"Do you want help this time?" I found Streak leaning on a tree, his head still held proudly as his yellow eyes swept over the landscape surrounding him.

"Nope." My defiant reply was ruined as my head went under water at the end of the statement, my heart skipping a beat when I felt water flow over my head. Without any hesitation I broke the surface, breathed in deeply, and eventually I almost managed to haul myself out but something stirred in the water and I kicked at it. Therefore I lost my balance and fell into the water. Again.

"Am I going to wait for you to get out of that stupid pond all day?" Streak questioned as a smirk danced on his white face, yellow eyes gleaming.

"You're messing up my concentration," I muttered as I dug my claws the best I could into the damp, slimy mud that always ended up wriggling out of my grasp. Finally I hauled myself onto the ground, and at once shook the water dripping off my pelt out. But without thinking, I splattered Streak with the murky water.

"I hate water." He muttered grumpily as he licked his pelt dry. "I'm going to get you for that."

"You're too slow to even lay a claw on me." I countered as I drew myself up to my full height, my pelt glowing in the sun's radiance. Not a heartbeat after flashing me a mischievous look, he leapt at me and we both fell into the river. I didn't have any time to react, one heartbeat he was still, the next we were drenched in water. Or, at least, I was drenched in water again

"You idiot, you mouse-brained-" I was cut off as Streak forced me under the water, warm and almost sticky. I bobbed to the once-calm surface almost immediately, a cross look on my face.

"Come on, Synndra. Lighten up." I used my tail to crossly splash him in the face with a few warm droplets of water, resulting in my face getting thrust under the water again. I launched myself at him, and we wrestled in the water for a while. For half an hour or so, it felt good to just act like a lighthearted kit once in awhile.

"We should probably get back." I murmured as I hauled myself onto the bank, first try this time, I might add proudly.

"They can do without us." Streak waved his dripping tail casually, flicking me with a few drops in the process. I think he meant to.

"No… it was fun but… no," I tore myself away from the white tom and raced away, sprinting as fast as I could. When I finally slowed down I blinked a few times and brushed the memories away, ignoring my torn heart getting torn again. _It can't hurt to play one time in a whole year… can it?_

I hunted until sunhigh, and I managed to catch a decent amount of prey. I caught a squirrel and three shrews. Padding back to the cave with a mouth laden with prey, I chose a shrew for myself and padded to my corner in the back of the smaller cave. Settling in my nest, I quickly gulped it down.

"I never gave you Dark's message." My ears flattened as I heard Streak's voice, this is what usually happens when I feel myself get even the slightest closer to _anybody._ I distance myself, ignore them, and move on. An endless cycle, never ending even if I try in the slightest to change it.

"I don't care what that mouse-brain wants, or you for that matter." I snapped as I turned away from him, my scathing comment making guilt tap on my shoulder.

"Dark _needs_ to talk to you," he told me more forcefully, his ear twitching. I twisted my head around to glare at him, only to re-live the memory of Streak charging into the clearing to tell me he has a message, only to later reveal someone likes me. _I'm still somewhat curious,_ I admitted to myself. _No, he's probably just trying to play with my head. He's just wanting me to ask so he can have the joy of withholding the information. Obviously._

"I'll only go if you tell me who you were referring to earlier." I tested the waters, wondering if he'd give in.

"What?" He tilted his head in fake confusion, but his eyes were clear. He knew what I was talking about, the cheeky furball.

"Earlier you said someone likes me, I don't know if you were just trying to get my attention or what, but I need to know." My determined icy blue eyes locked with his pale yellow ones.

"Oh, it was just a rumor." He flicked his tail casually, but I decided to delve further into the secret.

"Tell me." I demanded with a growl.

"How about… no." He paused for a second, before opening his mouth to speak again. "Dark wants to train you how to kill when fighting."

"Are there intruders?" I asked with slight alarm, wondering why else he would even offer to train me as a killer if not from intruders.

"I don't know, I'm not one of the top cats around here," he murmured, his eyes studying the ground intently.

"Fine, I'll see what the furball who thinks he rules the world wants today." I got to my paws and padded stiffly to Dark's den. I didn't even bother calling out, I just strode into the dark cave as if I owned it. _I am somewhat of a hypocrite, I judge Dark for thinking he owns the world when I'm not the most modest cat either._

"Ah, Synndra. I see Streak finally gave you the message." Dark muttered something under his breath, most likely something other than complimentary.

"I listened when I wanted to." I told him stiffly as I saw a rustle in the back corner of the dark lair. "Is that your, what, fourth mate by now?" I sneered as I scented she was a she-cat, I could even make out tabby stripes in the dark.

"She er…. I don't have to justify anything to you." He snapped lamely, I guess he ran out of other comebacks. Or he just can't make up any to save his life, one or the other. Or both. All of the above, whatever.

"I see you want your so called legacy to stay within this… group." I commented as I saw Shadow chatting with Rock, a dark gray tom.

"I didn't bring you here to talk about my life," he tried to steer me away from his flaws, but they'll never leave me completely. "I think it'd be beneficial to the group to have an inner circle of warriors that can protect like no others, and-"

"I see the others are about to lay siege." I commented loud enough for him to be embarrassed, to the point where others would freak out and then it'd be his problem.

"How did you know?" He rasped in a low whisper, glancing around fretfully as some cats gazed questioningly in our direction. Others had heard. A few pretended otherwise, but their ears pricked up and gazes more alert.

"Wait, I actually didn't just make something off the top of my head?" My eyes studied the leader sharply, wondering how he'd answer. "I am a complete genius."

"I-I was testing you to see if you'd make a… good…" his voice trailed off awkwardly, "spy! A spy, yes a spy."

"I think I'm not the only one who makes things off the top of my head," I hinted, a smirk playing my face.

"The other rogues have more cats than us, and-"

"We have how many cats in all?" I asked as my gaze swept through the cave. I'd estimate around sixty, somewhere around there.

"Eighty." He answered proudly, his chest puffed up in pride.

"And they have how many and you know how?" I asked as my eyes furrowed into a narrowed gaze, a strategy already forming in my mind without the complete information.

"They have somewhere around a hundred cats, and I know because I sent a spy." He bit his lip in nervousness, I guess he doesn't confide in many. "He went back to find out extra information, but he never returned."

"His name?"

"Snarl. He was a light gray tom with white-"

"-ears, paws, and tail. Yeah, he fled." I told him with confidence.

"You know this how?" Dark demanded, his tail waving excitedly.

"He helped me a while ago when I was injured. Like… a month or two ago before I joined. Well, you know, more like forced but whatever." The black tom with brown forepaws started pacing worriedly, his tail lashing.

"He turned rogue." I added as his black fur started to bristle.

"Well, I've had a tip that they're planning to attack. They say twenty of their cats were queens nursing kits, just like us." His tail stopped lashing for a second or two, but then it started lashing in agitation again. "And they have some thing about cats with white fur, or any white markings. They think it's… impure, or whatever they think."

"Wow, they're more stupid than you guys. How'd that happen?" I scoffed, my eyes glittering triumphantly as Dark only glared.

"We need at least thirty cats at all times to know how to kill swiftly and efficiently. You were my first choice."

"You said I was going to be a spy, make up your crazy mind," I muttered under my breath, my ears twitching.

"Yes, but they aren't the dumbest cats. If they figure out you're exactly what you are, you'll need the skills to get out. Now-"

"You still think I'm not good enough, eh?" I remarked dryly, my blue eyes blazing with fury and exasperation. "Will you stuck-up toms ever realize a she-cat can be as good if not better than you ego-obsessed cats?"

"You don't know them, they will kill you if they-"

"Figure out I'm smarter than them, blah blah blah." I heard a faint snicker from the corner where that she-cat cowered, and after a stern glare from her leader she shrunk even smaller. She may as well have been a mouse. "I see they underestimate she-cats too, huh?"

"You'll need to train before you depart to go spy, they live a quarter of a day's journey past that river that you fail to escape." My fur prickled slightly in embarrassment, but I brushed it off. _I don't care he knows I'm not… exactly perfect._ I just nodded curtly, and attempted to get out of the cave with my own plan bubbling in my mind. _If he thinks I'll stick to his plan that is sure to fail, he's going to have a big surprise when I turn up alive._


End file.
